a post about depression

The other week I had a mini crisis.  I ran out of my 'happy pills', aka anti-depressant medication.  And then there was a mix up between my doctor and the pharmacy so it took a day or three to get it refilled.  It might have been longer, as this is how it occurred to me:

oh, no pill today that's ok, I feel fine. 

the next day:
hmm, still no pill and no refill - no matter I feel quite normal, so I'll survive until it gets done.  Besides I was thinking of weaning off these pills, so maybe I can short cut it.

about 3pm. 
Hmm, I feel a bit...off. 

about 4:30
I probably shouldn't be driving.  I feel like I've had a few too many drinks.

about 6:30
I'm having trouble putting sentences together.  I can't find the right words to use.  People are looking at me funny.  I really feel drunk.  I probably shouldn't talk to strangers.

about 11pm
I'm tired but I feel a bit better.  Ok, I'm sure I'll feel better in the morning the withdrawal seems to have passed...

the next morning.
Dom asks me a question.  I bite his head off.   I mean, more than usual, and I even had a coffee to drink.
Later, during a phone call I start crying uncontrollably and raving about how I feel like a failure in everything I do.
that night, I have another breakdown then feel like the person I'm working with is out to get me.  But she's not, so another emotional breakdown. 
I drop into bed exhausted.

the next day - yay, my meds are here.  
I feel great once again. 

So, it looks like I won't be off these meds anytime soon. I can't really complain there are no side effects and the fun little side trip I had this week reminds me just how terrible it is to live with depression and anxiety full time.  I still deal with depression and anxiety but it is much more manageable with medication.  

I also have developed many tools to manage my depression because without that I could not function.  Maybe in later posts I'll talk about some of the most effective tools.